Ultimate Santa-Banta Jokes

Santa: Maine tuje khat likha,fir b tu meri shadi me kyu ni aya?
Banta: Mujhe khat nhi mila.
Santa: To sale maine likha to tha ki khat mile na mile,ana zaroor h..

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Santa ek Ped Par ulta latka hua tha,
Banta: Ulta kyon latke ho,
Santa: Maine SIR Dard ki GOLI khai thi, Kahi Pet me na chali jaye.

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Santa :- Oye, Tumne Apni Sagai Kyu Tod Di.
Banta:-Arrey, Uska Koi Boyfriend Nahi Tha.!
Santa:-Toh.?
Banta:-Jo aj Tak Kisi Ki Na Ho Saki Wo Meri Kya Hogi…!

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Boss: Mere liye ek shisha le ke aao
Jisme main aapna muh dekh saku
Santa : Nahi mila sir
Sab shisho par mera hi Muh
Dikhay de raha tha.

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Captain of Military: Naujawano, aage bado…

(Santa aage nahin bada)

Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?

Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha 😀

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Santa joined NASA.

After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA !

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Madam – Translate it .
Mere sir de Baal ,
Uud gaye hawa de naal ?
Santa rply –
Hair of your tind . .
have gone with the wind.
Ting ting teeding.:-P
~

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In A 1OO Meter Race,It Was Announced
1
2
3
Start…
All Started Running Except Santa.
Coach:Y R U Still Waiting?
Santa: My No. Is 4! B-)
~

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Santa & Banta 8th Me Aathvi Bar FaiL Ho Gye
Santa- ChaL Suicide Kar Le
Banta- SaaLe PagaL Ho Gya Hai
AgLe Janam Fir NURSERY Se Hi Suru Krna Padega 😀

~

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Santa: They say, “Milk gives you strength”.
Banta: That’s right.
Santa: So I drank 5 glasses & still couldn’t move
a wall.
I tried 6 shots of vodka & saw the wall move by
itself!

~

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Santa Ne god Se Pucha
Kya Mai Agle Janam Me
Gadha Ban Sakta Hoon..
God Ne Jawab Diya.. aap iss suvidha ka labh pehle hi le chuke hai.

~

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Patni: Agr mai kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Santa: Nirml baba ke pas jaunga
Patni: Tm kitne achhe ho, kya kahoge unse?
Santa: Baba aapki kripa ho gyi

~

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Salesman-Sir cockroch k liye powder loge kya???
Santa- Nhi,”hm cockroch ko itna laad-pyar nhi krte”
“Aaj powder laga dege to kal DEO mangega”

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College ke back side river Me Principal Doob Raha Tha,
Usko Tairna Nhi Aata Tha, Santa Ne Dekha Or zor zor Se Chillate Hue bhaaga
.
.
.
kal chhutti hai.

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Biology Teacher: Wo kaun h jo aasman me udti hai par bachche zameen pe deti hai?
.
Santa kuch der sochne k baad?
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Air Hostess.!!

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Santa: Sharab pite pite rone laga
Banta: Kya hua kyo ro rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ki kara jis ladki ko bhulane k liye pi raha tha,uska naam yaad nhi aa raha hai

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Santa Ko Beta Hua. Use Jyotish Ke Pass Le Gaye
Jyotish:Ye Jiska Naam Pehle Bolega Wo mar Jyega
Baccha Bola “PAPA” Aur Dusre Din Padosi Mar Gya

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Santa to Banta: Yaar tere ghar se Hamesha Hasne ki Awaz aati hai.. Ye khushi ka Raaz kya hai?

Banta: Meri BV mujhe Jute marti hai, Lag jaye to wo hasti hai, Na lage to mein hasta hun.

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Santa to Doctor: Dr. Sahab mere upar wale dant ko kida kha rha tha, Aapne niche wala danT kyo nikal dia
Doctor: Are pagal niche walE Pe khada ho ke khata tha na.. 😀

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Santa – My Wife Died Yesterday..
I’m Trying To Cry But Tears Are Not Come Out,
What To Do?
Banta – No Problem.
Just Imagine She Came Back. 😀

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Santa gadhe pe baith k college jata tha?
3 saal baad paidal college jane laga?
.
Socho kyu??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kyoki gadhe ka graduation complete ho gya tha 😀

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Snta-bnta 1dawat me gye.
Wahan 1admi ne unse pucha-aap kon?
Santa-main ladke walo ki side se
Banta-or main ladki walo ki side se
Admi- kutto yhan to 13vi hai.

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Santa Bijli office phone kar ke bola: Light band kar do
.
.
Bijli wala : kyu Sir ?
.
.
Santa : Wo yaar mere dimag me ek nayi mast
wali gaali aai hai,
wo tum ko deni hai

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Tchr- How many planets r there?
Santa- Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, etc.
Tchr- Aur batao?
Santa- Aur bas sab badhiya!
upper wale ki kripa hai ab Aap sunao…!!

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Santa eating kadi chawl….sudenly ek makhi aake khane pe beth jati hai
Santa – arey kitni bholi hai tu..
Ye wo nai hai jo tu samjh rahi hai.. Chall udd…!

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Passenger-Tumne Mere Jeb Me
Hath Q Dala?
Santa-Muje Machis Chahiye Thi.
Pasen-Tum Mujhse Mang Sakte
The. Santa-Me Ajnabi Se Baat Nhi
Karta.

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Santa-babaji mujhe koi aisa kaam batao jisme log apna kaam khud kare aur paise mujhe de.
Babaji-tum sulabh shauchalay main naukari kar lo.

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Santa says:
“Duniya Ka hr Insan Apne Paav Bhigoye Bina shayad Samundar to Par kr skta h,
Lekin Ankhe Bhigoe Bina “Pyar” nhi Kr sakta.
Aaj Santa serious hai.

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Santa ne cooking contest me part lia aur khali bartan me chammach firane laga..
JUDGE: “Kya bana rahe ho?”
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Santa: CHUTIYA!:D

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Santa Ko Raat Me Cigrette Pine Ka Man Kia.
Sb Trf Machis Dhunda
Pr Kahi Nhi Mila
Akhir Me Nirash Ho K
Candle Bujha Ke So Gya…

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Aurato se bhari bus ka accident ho gya
Sari ladies mar gyi.
sbke pati 1-1 ghnte roye
Santa akela pura din roya..
Q ?!
Qki uski patni ki bus mis ho gyi thi !!

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Customer-Teri dukan to mithai ki hai. Tera dil khane ko nahi karta?
Santa-Bahut karta hai par Papa rasgulle gin k jate hain isliye sirf choos k rakh deta hoon.

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Santa: Senior aur Junior me kya farak hota hai?? @
Banta: Very simple, jo samundar k paas rahe wo “sea near” aur jo chidiya ghar ke paas rahe wo “zoo near”.

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Santa ki Mout
Bijli Girne se hui,
Pr unki Lash Muskurate hui mili.
GOD ne pucha-Mrte wqt Hans Q rha tha
Santa-Oye Mainu laga koi Foto khich rha hai..

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Santa Hotel Me Khali Katori Me Roti Dubo K Kha Raha Tha
Waiter:Ye kaise Kha Rhe Ho?
Santa: I’m a Maths Student DAAL Maine Supose Ki Hui Hai.:>

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Santa ki amma mar gayi.
1 aadmi bola-amma mujhe bhi le jati
2-4aur bole-amma hume bhi le jati
Santa bola-Chup ho jao salo.amma kya TATA SUMO karke gyi hai.

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Santa teachr ban gya. Usne exam ke liye Ques. Paper banaya.. Paper dekhte hi sare bachche behosh ho gaye ..
Questns r –
1. China kis Desh me hai ?
2. 15 Aug kis Date ko Aati hai ?
3. Green Rang kis Colour ka Hota hai ?
4. Tamatar ko Hindi may kya Bolte hai ?
5. Mumtaz ki Qabar main Kon Dafan hai?

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God: Beta kya chahiye?
Santa: 1 Job,
1 badi si gadi aur usme dher sari ladkiyan.
God: Tathastu.!
Aj Santa Girls School me bus driver hai!!:;)

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SANTA-Hathi Ko Sui Ke Chhed Me Se Guzrne Se Kaise Roka Ja Sakta Hai.?
.
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BANTA-
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Aasan Hai Uski Punch Me Gaanth Laga Do.-

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Santa was making his BIODATA !
He didn’t know what to write for “Zodiac sign”
He checked Banta’s,
who had written “Cancer”
He thought & then wrote “PILES”

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Santa ki Beti: Papa Kal Apke Gharse 1 Member Kam Ho Jayega,
Next Day Santa Ki Beti Bhag Gayi.
Santa: Ladki Ne Kaam To Galat Kiya,
Par Thi Wo “JYOTISH”.:p

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Santa2Banta:
Santa- Ye TV Ka Rate Kya He?
Salesman- 1 Lakh Rs.
S- Wht Is Special?
S.M- Light Chali Jaye To Automatic Off Ho Jayega.
S- Oho, Pack Kar do.

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Hindi grammar Teacher: wo ladki sab ladko se hans kr baat karti h.
Batao is sentence me ladki kya hai?
Santa: Sir, ladki bigdi hui h.
Or Setting krna chahti h..

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Santa ne cafe me 1 ldki se
I LUV U kaha
Ldki ne mara chata or boli “kya bola”
toh Santa ROTE HUE bola
Jb suna nhi tune to chata kyu mara. 😀

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Tchr-jo mere agle sawal ka jawab dega, wo ghar ja sakta he. Tabhi santa apna bag bahar fek deta he. Tchr-wo bag kisne feka? Santa-Mene, Ab me ghar ja rha hu..:

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SanTa Ne 1 Car Li Loan Pe Loan NaHi CHuKa PaNeSe BaNKWaLe Car UTHa Le GaYe
–
SanTa RoTe HuYe:
PeHLe PaTa HoTa To,
SHaaDi BHi Loan Le K KarTa

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Santa: 1 aurat ko ghurte hue ja raha tha,
Aurat:’dekhta kya h teri maa ki umar ki hu’
Santa: to mai bhi apne baap k liye hi dhund raha hu…!

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Santa ne blade se grlfrnd ka naam haath pr likha
2min baad jor-2 se rone lga.
Banta-Kya hua,Q ro rha hai?
Snta-Behenchod LADO likhna tha,galti se LODA likh gya

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Santa Walking On Road
Samne Gobar Pada Tha
Santa Ne Jhuk Kar Ungli Dal Kar Taste Kia Aur Bola:
Oh!
Ye To Gobar H,Shukr Hai Mera Pair Nai Pada

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Santa ne apni car ke niche
Kutte ko sota hua dekha,
To kutte ki taang pakad ke
Bahar kicha aur bola-
Bahar nikal kutte,
Bada aaya Automobile Enginneer

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Captan-naujawano age bado.
santa age nhi badha..
Captan-tum aage kyu nhi bade..???
Santa-aapne kaha nau jawano age bado..bt me to 10 no.pr khada tha..!!.

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Santa:
Apne School ki sunata hu ek Prem Kahani,
Ek Topper thi ladki jo thi Percentge ki Rani.
Fir
.
Fir
Fir Kya?
Humne Fasali..aur
Fail Karadi

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Dost: Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?
Santa: Ghutno pe Chal k Aayi thi Mere Paas.
Dost: Kya Boli?
Santa: Boli Palang k Neeche se Nikal Aao, Ab Nahi Maarungi.

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Dost: Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?
Santa: Ghutno pe Chal k Aayi thi Mere Paas.
Dost: Kya Boli?
Santa: Boli Palang k Neeche se Nikal Aao, Ab Nahi Maarungi.

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1 bar Santa paise jma krane Bank gya
Officer-Ye note fta h dusra do
Santa-Mai apne A/c me jma kr rha hu, fta karu ya Nya,
Tuje kya matlab h be.. Tu apna kam kr..?;-)

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Santa apne beemar baap se-papa apko marne ke baad dafnaya jaye ya jalaya jaye?
papa- beta mujhse na pucho,mujhe surprise dena..

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Santa: bhai sahab time kya hua? Man: sham k 6 baje hai! Santa: sala subah se pooch raha hu. Sab alag alag time bta rahe h.

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SANTA went to Court.
JUDGE-
“Order ! Order !”
SANTA-
“1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !”
JUDGE-
“Shut Up !”
SANTA-
“No, No… 7-Up !!”

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“Santa: Why are u heating the knife?
Banta: So that I dont get infection while committing suicide!”.

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Saniya Mirza- muje tennis k bare me sb knowledge he kuch b puch lo sb bta dungi Santa-achcha to btao tennis k net me kitne chhed hote h.

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Teacher:Ek din Aisa Ayega Jab Prithvi Par Pani Nahi Rahega, Jeev Jantu Nasht ho Jayenge,Prithvi tabaah ho Jayegi.
Santa: Sir,kya hmari Us din Chutti hogi..??

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Santa=kanjus dost se bach kr raho.
Banta=magr kanjus dost ka pta kaise chalega.
Santa=simple, saare dosto ko msg karo jo reply na de samjah lo wo hi kanjus hai.

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Santa 1st time plen me baitha: plane ka agla tyre upar utha, santa pilot ko marne laga.
Or bola:me pehle hi dara hua hu or tu stunt maar raha h.

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Santa Hotel Me Khali Katori Me Roti Dubo K Kha Raha Tha
Waiter:Ye kaise Kha Rhe Ho?
Santa: I’m a Maths Student DAAL Maine Supose Ki Hui Hai.:>

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Santa : Shirt ke liye ek accha kapda dikhaiye.
Salesman : plain mein dikhau?
Santa : nahin helicopter mein dikha , ghade
Bandar se muh k.. Yahin pe dikha.:):D

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Gr8 words of two gr8 persons:
I may walk slowly
bt,
I nvr walk backwards
-Abraham Lincoln
I dn’t need 2 walk
bcoz,
I have a scooter
-SANTA….

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After Eating Fish Santa Dont Drink WaterY
Coz He Feared That Fish WillStart Swimming In His Stomach:D

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Santa: Main 1 baar raat ko susu krne gya,
To maine dekha Toilet me SHER tha.
Banta:Fir kya hua?
Santa:Fir kya, Maine SHER ko kaha aap krlo meri to nikal gayi

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Santa Public toilet gaya aur 1 Ghante baad nikla
bahar baitha Jamadaar bola 20 rupe
Santa- abe Toilet me baitha tha, ‘Cyber Cafe’ me nhi..

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Santa Calls Up White House
Santa- I Want To Be D Next President Of USA.
Obama – Are You Idiot?
Santa-No,
Is It Compulsory?:D

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In a party Santa asked a girl : ” Tusi Dance Karoge ” : Ladki khadi hokar : ” Haan karoongi ” : Santa : ” To mai ye kursi le lu ? ? ? 🙂

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Santa-Dr. Sahab Plastic Surgery Me Kitna Kharcha Ayega?
Dr-50 hazar
S: Agar Plastic Hum De To
Dr(Gusse Me)-Sale Pighla Kar Chipka Bhi Lena

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Santa Ki Taange Nili Ho Gyi.
Dr-Zeher h Kaatni Padegi Taang Kaat K nakli Lgai 2 Din Baad-nakli Taange b Nili
Dr:Ab Bimari Smj Ayi JEANS Rang chhodti hai 🙂

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Teacher- cow hamari mata hai..
(school k bahr 1 cow road pe ghum ri thi)
Santa- sir..sir..Bahar apki mummy awara Sando k sath ghum rai hai!.

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An astronomer was watching the sky through telescope. Santa was observing him. Suddenly a star falls, seeing that Santa shouted: Kya nishana lagaya hai

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Heights of Friendship:-
Santa commiting suicide, someone asked the reason.
He said: My Wife ran with my Friend and I can’t live without my Friend..

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Banta-tu kabhi kisi shok-sabha me gya hai?
Santa-ha yar,bade batmiz log aate hai waha, me 2 ghante baitha pr kisi ne mujse haske baat tak nahi ki..

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BV ne kurti utari, sexy nazar se Santa ki traf dekhte huye salwar b utar k boli-“Pata he na, kya krna he?
Santa: go to hell, Mai raat ko kapde nhi dhounga..

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Santa: Janu Coka-Cola Peene k Bad Kuch Karney
Ko Dil Chah Raha h?
wife: (Sharmate Hue) Karo Jee..!
Santa: BrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrrr…

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SANTA-Hathi Ko Sui Ke Chhed Me Se Guzrne Se Kaise Roka Ja Sakta Hai.?
.
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.
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BANTA-
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.
.
Aasan Hai Uski Punch Me Gaanth Laga Do.-

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Santa ne apni Bhabhi ko jaan se mar diya.
Logo n pucha q mara.?
Santa-Main jb b apne dosto se puchhta tha ki kis se baat kr rhe ho wo yahi kahte teri BHABHI se.

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Santa – Phone pe itni dhimi aawaz me kisse bat kr rhe ho??
Banta-Bahan hai.!
Santa-To fir itni dhimi aawaz me kis liye.?
Banta -Teri hai.!

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1st time in HISTORY
Santa ne 1
Intelligent sawal pucha
& master behosh.
Sawal=BLACK is colour
WHITE is also a colour
But
BLACK & WHITE TV
is not COLOUR TV.
WHY?

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Teacher: kaamyabi kya hoti hai.?
SANTA :-
Kaamyabi “Potty” ki
smell ki tarah hoti hai
..Bardasht tabhi
hoti hai…
.
.
Jab Apni ho….:
samjhe yaaro….

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Santa,Sali Se:
Teri Didi Busy Hai,Tu Baby ko Dudh Pila de
Sali-Mujhe dudh nahi ata
Santa-Kamaal hai Display to bada JABARDAST hai stock kuch nahi…

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santa: train mai raat bhar neend nhi ayi, uppar ki seat mili,garmi thi!
Banta: to exchnge kar leta!
santa: kisse krta neeche ki seat pr koi aya he nhi.