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Posts Tagged ‘ladki-se-baat-kaise-kare-hindi’

Ultimate Santa-Banta Jokes

Santa: Maine tuje khat likha,fir b tu meri shadi me kyu ni aya?
Banta: Mujhe khat nhi mila.
Santa: To sale maine likha to tha ki khat mile na mile,ana zaroor h..


Santa ek Ped Par ulta latka hua tha,
Banta: Ulta kyon latke ho,
Santa: Maine SIR Dard ki GOLI khai thi, Kahi Pet me na chali jaye.


Santa :- Oye, Tumne Apni Sagai Kyu Tod Di.
Banta:-Arrey, Uska Koi Boyfriend Nahi Tha.!
Santa:-Toh.?
Banta:-Jo aj Tak Kisi Ki Na Ho Saki Wo Meri Kya Hogi…!


Boss: Mere liye ek shisha le ke aao
Jisme main aapna muh dekh saku
Santa : Nahi mila sir
Sab shisho par mera hi Muh
Dikhay de raha tha.


Captain of Military: Naujawano, aage bado…

(Santa aage nahin bada)

Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?

Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha :D


Santa joined NASA.

After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA !


Madam – Translate it .
Mere sir de Baal ,
Uud gaye hawa de naal ?
Santa rply -
Hair of your tind . .
have gone with the wind.
Ting ting teeding.:-P
~


In A 1OO Meter Race,It Was Announced
1
2
3
Start…
All Started Running Except Santa.
Coach:Y R U Still Waiting?
Santa: My No. Is 4! B-)
~


Santa & Banta 8th Me Aathvi Bar FaiL Ho Gye
Santa- ChaL Suicide Kar Le
Banta- SaaLe PagaL Ho Gya Hai
AgLe Janam Fir NURSERY Se Hi Suru Krna Padega :D

~


Santa: They say, “Milk gives you strength”.
Banta: That’s right.
Santa: So I drank 5 glasses & still couldn’t move
a wall.
I tried 6 shots of vodka & saw the wall move by
itself!

~


Santa Ne god Se Pucha
Kya Mai Agle Janam Me
Gadha Ban Sakta Hoon..
God Ne Jawab Diya.. aap iss suvidha ka labh pehle hi le chuke hai.

~


Patni: Agr mai kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Santa: Nirml baba ke pas jaunga
Patni: Tm kitne achhe ho, kya kahoge unse?
Santa: Baba aapki kripa ho gyi

~


Salesman-Sir cockroch k liye powder loge kya???
Santa- Nhi,”hm cockroch ko itna laad-pyar nhi krte”
“Aaj powder laga dege to kal DEO mangega”


College ke back side river Me Principal Doob Raha Tha,
Usko Tairna Nhi Aata Tha, Santa Ne Dekha Or zor zor Se Chillate Hue bhaaga
.
.
.
kal chhutti hai.


Biology Teacher: Wo kaun h jo aasman me udti hai par bachche zameen pe deti hai?
.
Santa kuch der sochne k baad?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Air Hostess.!!


Santa: Sharab pite pite rone laga
Banta: Kya hua kyo ro rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ki kara jis ladki ko bhulane k liye pi raha tha,uska naam yaad nhi aa raha hai


Santa Ko Beta Hua. Use Jyotish Ke Pass Le Gaye
Jyotish:Ye Jiska Naam Pehle Bolega Wo mar Jyega
Baccha Bola “PAPA” Aur Dusre Din Padosi Mar Gya


Santa to Banta: Yaar tere ghar se Hamesha Hasne ki Awaz aati hai.. Ye khushi ka Raaz kya hai?

Banta: Meri BV mujhe Jute marti hai, Lag jaye to wo hasti hai, Na lage to mein hasta hun.


Santa to Doctor: Dr. Sahab mere upar wale dant ko kida kha rha tha, Aapne niche wala danT kyo nikal dia
Doctor: Are pagal niche walE Pe khada ho ke khata tha na.. :D


Santa – My Wife Died Yesterday..
I’m Trying To Cry But Tears Are Not Come Out,
What To Do?
Banta – No Problem.
Just Imagine She Came Back. :D


Santa gadhe pe baith k college jata tha?
3 saal baad paidal college jane laga?
.
Socho kyu??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kyoki gadhe ka graduation complete ho gya tha :D


Snta-bnta 1dawat me gye.
Wahan 1admi ne unse pucha-aap kon?
Santa-main ladke walo ki side se
Banta-or main ladki walo ki side se
Admi- kutto yhan to 13vi hai.


Santa Bijli office phone kar ke bola: Light band kar do
.
.
Bijli wala : kyu Sir ?
.
.
Santa : Wo yaar mere dimag me ek nayi mast
wali gaali aai hai,
wo tum ko deni hai


Tchr- How many planets r there?
Santa- Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, etc.
Tchr- Aur batao?
Santa- Aur bas sab badhiya!
upper wale ki kripa hai ab Aap sunao…!!


Santa eating kadi chawl….sudenly ek makhi aake khane pe beth jati hai
Santa – arey kitni bholi hai tu..
Ye wo nai hai jo tu samjh rahi hai.. Chall udd…!


Passenger-Tumne Mere Jeb Me
Hath Q Dala?
Santa-Muje Machis Chahiye Thi.
Pasen-Tum Mujhse Mang Sakte
The. Santa-Me Ajnabi Se Baat Nhi
Karta.


Santa-babaji mujhe koi aisa kaam batao jisme log apna kaam khud kare aur paise mujhe de.
Babaji-tum sulabh shauchalay main naukari kar lo.


Santa says:
“Duniya Ka hr Insan Apne Paav Bhigoye Bina shayad Samundar to Par kr skta h,
Lekin Ankhe Bhigoe Bina “Pyar” nhi Kr sakta.
Aaj Santa serious hai.


Santa ne cooking contest me part lia aur khali bartan me chammach firane laga..
JUDGE: “Kya bana rahe ho?”
.
.
.
.
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Santa: CHUTIYA!:D


Santa Ko Raat Me Cigrette Pine Ka Man Kia.
Sb Trf Machis Dhunda
Pr Kahi Nhi Mila
Akhir Me Nirash Ho K
Candle Bujha Ke So Gya…


Aurato se bhari bus ka accident ho gya
Sari ladies mar gyi.
sbke pati 1-1 ghnte roye
Santa akela pura din roya..
Q ?!
Qki uski patni ki bus mis ho gyi thi !!


Customer-Teri dukan to mithai ki hai. Tera dil khane ko nahi karta?
Santa-Bahut karta hai par Papa rasgulle gin k jate hain isliye sirf choos k rakh deta hoon.


Santa: Senior aur Junior me kya farak hota hai?? @
Banta: Very simple, jo samundar k paas rahe wo “sea near” aur jo chidiya ghar ke paas rahe wo “zoo near”.


Santa ki Mout
Bijli Girne se hui,
Pr unki Lash Muskurate hui mili.
GOD ne pucha-Mrte wqt Hans Q rha tha
Santa-Oye Mainu laga koi Foto khich rha hai..


Santa Hotel Me Khali Katori Me Roti Dubo K Kha Raha Tha
Waiter:Ye kaise Kha Rhe Ho?
Santa: I’m a Maths Student DAAL Maine Supose Ki Hui Hai.:>


Santa ki amma mar gayi.
1 aadmi bola-amma mujhe bhi le jati
2-4aur bole-amma hume bhi le jati
Santa bola-Chup ho jao salo.amma kya TATA SUMO karke gyi hai.


Santa teachr ban gya. Usne exam ke liye Ques. Paper banaya.. Paper dekhte hi sare bachche behosh ho gaye ..
Questns r -
1. China kis Desh me hai ?
2. 15 Aug kis Date ko Aati hai ?
3. Green Rang kis Colour ka Hota hai ?
4. Tamatar ko Hindi may kya Bolte hai ?
5. Mumtaz ki Qabar main Kon Dafan hai?


God: Beta kya chahiye?
Santa: 1 Job,
1 badi si gadi aur usme dher sari ladkiyan.
God: Tathastu.!
Aj Santa Girls School me bus driver hai!!:;)


SANTA-Hathi Ko Sui Ke Chhed Me Se Guzrne Se Kaise Roka Ja Sakta Hai.?
.
.
.
.
BANTA-
.
.
.
Aasan Hai Uski Punch Me Gaanth Laga Do.-


Santa was making his BIODATA !
He didn’t know what to write for “Zodiac sign”
He checked Banta’s,
who had written “Cancer”
He thought & then wrote “PILES”


Santa ki Beti: Papa Kal Apke Gharse 1 Member Kam Ho Jayega,
Next Day Santa Ki Beti Bhag Gayi.
Santa: Ladki Ne Kaam To Galat Kiya,
Par Thi Wo “JYOTISH”.:p


Santa2Banta:
Santa- Ye TV Ka Rate Kya He?
Salesman- 1 Lakh Rs.
S- Wht Is Special?
S.M- Light Chali Jaye To Automatic Off Ho Jayega.
S- Oho, Pack Kar do.


Hindi grammar Teacher: wo ladki sab ladko se hans kr baat karti h.
Batao is sentence me ladki kya hai?
Santa: Sir, ladki bigdi hui h.
Or Setting krna chahti h..


Santa ne cafe me 1 ldki se
I LUV U kaha
Ldki ne mara chata or boli “kya bola”
toh Santa ROTE HUE bola
Jb suna nhi tune to chata kyu mara. :D


Tchr-jo mere agle sawal ka jawab dega, wo ghar ja sakta he. Tabhi santa apna bag bahar fek deta he. Tchr-wo bag kisne feka? Santa-Mene, Ab me ghar ja rha hu..:


SanTa Ne 1 Car Li Loan Pe Loan NaHi CHuKa PaNeSe BaNKWaLe Car UTHa Le GaYe
-
SanTa RoTe HuYe:
PeHLe PaTa HoTa To,
SHaaDi BHi Loan Le K KarTa


Santa: 1 aurat ko ghurte hue ja raha tha,
Aurat:’dekhta kya h teri maa ki umar ki hu’
Santa: to mai bhi apne baap k liye hi dhund raha hu…!


Santa ne blade se grlfrnd ka naam haath pr likha
2min baad jor-2 se rone lga.
Banta-Kya hua,Q ro rha hai?
Snta-Behenchod LADO likhna tha,galti se LODA likh gya


Santa Walking On Road
Samne Gobar Pada Tha
Santa Ne Jhuk Kar Ungli Dal Kar Taste Kia Aur Bola:
Oh!
Ye To Gobar H,Shukr Hai Mera Pair Nai Pada


Santa ne apni car ke niche
Kutte ko sota hua dekha,
To kutte ki taang pakad ke
Bahar kicha aur bola-
Bahar nikal kutte,
Bada aaya Automobile Enginneer


Captan-naujawano age bado.
santa age nhi badha..
Captan-tum aage kyu nhi bade..???
Santa-aapne kaha nau jawano age bado..bt me to 10 no.pr khada tha..!!.


Santa:
Apne School ki sunata hu ek Prem Kahani,
Ek Topper thi ladki jo thi Percentge ki Rani.
Fir
.
Fir
Fir Kya?
Humne Fasali..aur
Fail Karadi


Dost: Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?
Santa: Ghutno pe Chal k Aayi thi Mere Paas.
Dost: Kya Boli?
Santa: Boli Palang k Neeche se Nikal Aao, Ab Nahi Maarungi.


Dost: Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?
Santa: Ghutno pe Chal k Aayi thi Mere Paas.
Dost: Kya Boli?
Santa: Boli Palang k Neeche se Nikal Aao, Ab Nahi Maarungi.


1 bar Santa paise jma krane Bank gya
Officer-Ye note fta h dusra do
Santa-Mai apne A/c me jma kr rha hu, fta karu ya Nya,
Tuje kya matlab h be.. Tu apna kam kr..?;-)


Santa apne beemar baap se-papa apko marne ke baad dafnaya jaye ya jalaya jaye?
papa- beta mujhse na pucho,mujhe surprise dena..


Santa: bhai sahab time kya hua? Man: sham k 6 baje hai! Santa: sala subah se pooch raha hu. Sab alag alag time bta rahe h.


SANTA went to Court.
JUDGE-
“Order ! Order !”
SANTA-
“1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !”
JUDGE-
“Shut Up !”
SANTA-
“No, No… 7-Up !!”


“Santa: Why are u heating the knife?
Banta: So that I dont get infection while committing suicide!”.


Saniya Mirza- muje tennis k bare me sb knowledge he kuch b puch lo sb bta dungi Santa-achcha to btao tennis k net me kitne chhed hote h.


Teacher:Ek din Aisa Ayega Jab Prithvi Par Pani Nahi Rahega, Jeev Jantu Nasht ho Jayenge,Prithvi tabaah ho Jayegi.
Santa: Sir,kya hmari Us din Chutti hogi..??


Santa=kanjus dost se bach kr raho.
Banta=magr kanjus dost ka pta kaise chalega.
Santa=simple, saare dosto ko msg karo jo reply na de samjah lo wo hi kanjus hai.


Santa 1st time plen me baitha: plane ka agla tyre upar utha, santa pilot ko marne laga.
Or bola:me pehle hi dara hua hu or tu stunt maar raha h.


Santa Hotel Me Khali Katori Me Roti Dubo K Kha Raha Tha
Waiter:Ye kaise Kha Rhe Ho?
Santa: I’m a Maths Student DAAL Maine Supose Ki Hui Hai.:>


Santa : Shirt ke liye ek accha kapda dikhaiye.
Salesman : plain mein dikhau?
Santa : nahin helicopter mein dikha , ghade
Bandar se muh k.. Yahin pe dikha.:):D


Gr8 words of two gr8 persons:
I may walk slowly
bt,
I nvr walk backwards
-Abraham Lincoln
I dn’t need 2 walk
bcoz,
I have a scooter
-SANTA….


After Eating Fish Santa Dont Drink WaterY
Coz He Feared That Fish WillStart Swimming In His Stomach:D


Santa: Main 1 baar raat ko susu krne gya,
To maine dekha Toilet me SHER tha.
Banta:Fir kya hua?
Santa:Fir kya, Maine SHER ko kaha aap krlo meri to nikal gayi


Santa Public toilet gaya aur 1 Ghante baad nikla
bahar baitha Jamadaar bola 20 rupe
Santa- abe Toilet me baitha tha, ‘Cyber Cafe’ me nhi..


Santa Calls Up White House
Santa- I Want To Be D Next President Of USA.
Obama – Are You Idiot?
Santa-No,
Is It Compulsory?:D


In a party Santa asked a girl : ” Tusi Dance Karoge ” : Ladki khadi hokar : ” Haan karoongi ” : Santa : ” To mai ye kursi le lu ? ? ? :)


Santa-Dr. Sahab Plastic Surgery Me Kitna Kharcha Ayega?
Dr-50 hazar
S: Agar Plastic Hum De To
Dr(Gusse Me)-Sale Pighla Kar Chipka Bhi Lena


Santa Ki Taange Nili Ho Gyi.
Dr-Zeher h Kaatni Padegi Taang Kaat K nakli Lgai 2 Din Baad-nakli Taange b Nili
Dr:Ab Bimari Smj Ayi JEANS Rang chhodti hai :)


Teacher- cow hamari mata hai..
(school k bahr 1 cow road pe ghum ri thi)
Santa- sir..sir..Bahar apki mummy awara Sando k sath ghum rai hai!.


An astronomer was watching the sky through telescope. Santa was observing him. Suddenly a star falls, seeing that Santa shouted: Kya nishana lagaya hai


Heights of Friendship:-
Santa commiting suicide, someone asked the reason.
He said: My Wife ran with my Friend and I can’t live without my Friend..


Banta-tu kabhi kisi shok-sabha me gya hai?
Santa-ha yar,bade batmiz log aate hai waha, me 2 ghante baitha pr kisi ne mujse haske baat tak nahi ki..


BV ne kurti utari, sexy nazar se Santa ki traf dekhte huye salwar b utar k boli-”Pata he na, kya krna he?
Santa: go to hell, Mai raat ko kapde nhi dhounga..


Santa: Janu Coka-Cola Peene k Bad Kuch Karney
Ko Dil Chah Raha h?
wife: (Sharmate Hue) Karo Jee..!
Santa: BrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrrr…


SANTA-Hathi Ko Sui Ke Chhed Me Se Guzrne Se Kaise Roka Ja Sakta Hai.?
.
.
.
.
BANTA-
.
.
.
Aasan Hai Uski Punch Me Gaanth Laga Do.-


Santa ne apni Bhabhi ko jaan se mar diya.
Logo n pucha q mara.?
Santa-Main jb b apne dosto se puchhta tha ki kis se baat kr rhe ho wo yahi kahte teri BHABHI se.


Santa – Phone pe itni dhimi aawaz me kisse bat kr rhe ho??
Banta-Bahan hai.!
Santa-To fir itni dhimi aawaz me kis liye.?
Banta -Teri hai.!


1st time in HISTORY
Santa ne 1
Intelligent sawal pucha
& master behosh.
Sawal=BLACK is colour
WHITE is also a colour
But
BLACK & WHITE TV
is not COLOUR TV.
WHY?


Teacher: kaamyabi kya hoti hai.?
SANTA :-
Kaamyabi “Potty” ki
smell ki tarah hoti hai
..Bardasht tabhi
hoti hai…
.
.
Jab Apni ho….:
samjhe yaaro….


Santa,Sali Se:
Teri Didi Busy Hai,Tu Baby ko Dudh Pila de
Sali-Mujhe dudh nahi ata
Santa-Kamaal hai Display to bada JABARDAST hai stock kuch nahi…


santa: train mai raat bhar neend nhi ayi, uppar ki seat mili,garmi thi!
Banta: to exchnge kar leta!
santa: kisse krta neeche ki seat pr koi aya he nhi.

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